Hello, once again, movie fans. We’re so excited to be able to share our thoughts and ideas with you about the movies that are about to open across this great land. Of course, we’re also excited to get into a nice, reclining, movie chair and bury our heads in buttered popcorn until we look like our faces have been Turtle Waxed. What’s that? You too? Whew, we were afraid it was just us. Rotten Tomatoes has a full slate of movies this week, and almost every one of them has redeeming qualities. Let’s get to the action, shall we?
Eighth Grade, Rated R for language and some sexual material. Eighth grade was a harrowing time for everyone Gildshire knows in person. It is the age that invented awkward, and yet “WHAT ARE ALL THESE FEELS?” In this film, writer/director Bo Burnham hits all of the right notes, and star Elsie Fisher earns her acting stripes in full. This movie also earns the Gildshire Movie of the Fortnight award. It also stars Josh Hamilton, Emily Robinson, and Jake Ryan. Rotten Tomatoes 98, Gildshire 4.9
Christopher Robin, Rated PG for some action. Before Beanie Babies and Teddy Ruxpin, there was Winnie the Pooh. Endowed with a British accent via the stuffy old butler in every British film, Pooh just wants to greet others politely and eat honey. Oops, that should be “hunny.” Pooh’s best friend is Christopher Robin and this movie is about grown-up Christopher and his friend trying to put the gang back together again. It’s low-key and predictable. It is also an enjoyable afternoon at the cinema. (Somehow, Winnie the Pooh begs to be seen in matinee form, don’t you think? Oh, bother, I hope I haven’t offended.) The movie stars Ewan McGregor, Jim Cummings, Chris O’Dowd, and Hayley Atwell. Rotten Tomatoes 56, Gildshire 4.1
The Spy Who Dumped Me, Rated R for violence, language throughout, some crude sexual material and graphic nudity. Kate McKinnon and Mila Kunis are two of the best, and most bankable stars in movies today. What moviemaker wouldn’t put the two of them in a buddy James Bond-y flick and make hundreds of millions? That’s what Susanna Fogel thought when she cast these two in her film. The stars work, but the Bond-y genre is a hard one to crack. Call this a worthy effort. It also stars Justin Theroux and Gillian Anderson. Rotten Tomatoes 40, Gildshire 3.3
The Darkest Minds, Rated PG-13 for violence including disturbing images, and thematic elements. When I think of the future I see it pretty much like today, except with jetpacks. That isn’t the way that YA dystopian moviemakers see it. From Katniss Everdeen to Tris Prior to this movie, the future is one of gray uniforms and gunfire, lightened only by a female hero who saves the day…sort of…because there needs to be a sequel. In this movie, teens are given extra powers, before being cut down by, you guessed it, gunfire. Pretty similar ground to that covered in other movies of the same genre. It stars Amandla Stenberg, Mandy Moore, Bradley Whitford, and Harris Dickinson. Rotten Tomatoes 15, Gildshire 1.4
Death of a Nation, Rated PG-13 for strong thematic material including violence/disturbing images, some language, and brief drug use. My Mom taught me if I didn’t have anything nice to say about something to say nothing at all. Rotten Tomatoes 0, Gildshire -0.0
That’s all for this week, boys and girls. Join us again two weeks hence for our opinions on movies that will be released mid-month. For those enjoying the warm weather and time out of school, know that there is a long month ahead. For those waiting for Academy Award-worthy movie releases, know that September is right around the corner.
Until we meet again, Gildshire says enjoy the movies but, as a Public Service Announcement, please don’t buy the last box of Milk Duds. Those are reserved…for a friend of ours…who looks an awful lot like…us.