How to make people fall in love with you? In this area of photoshopped photos on Instagram, it’s easy to believe that we must be perfect to be loved. We need to look and act perfect and have perfect lives. You need the right outfit, flawless skin, perfectly messy hair, and a rock-hard body. You need to have great family relationships, money, success and you need to travel around the world. Do you?
Why Do We Want to be Liked by Others?
We do want to be likable and loved by others. That’s a normal feeling and part of our evolutionary process. Our ancestors needed to be loved by others so they can survive. Others needed people to care about them and respect them if they wanted to live a long and prosperous life.
What are the basics? First, you need to start with yourself. It sounds cheesy but when you think about it, it’s true. If you don’t love yourself how can you think that you can be loved?
Hare a few things you need to understand to be truly loved by yourself and by others.
Perfection is an Illusion
Perfection doesn’t exist in the natural world. So, why would we think that we can be perfect? If you are attempting to be something that you can’t be or something that doesn’t exist, you are walking straight into a world of hard judgment. If we don’t feel we are good enough, we are constantly chasing perfection that can’t be caught.
When you accept your imperfections, fears, and quirks you will become loveable to yourself and to others. When you are willing to show the complexity of your personality, you are becoming more relatable to others. Accepting your imperfections is showing that you are human. People will be drawn to you. They won’t know consciously why they feel that way, but they will feel good in your presence and more in tune with themselves when they are around you. Others are attracted to you when they love who they are around you. When you give yourself permission to be vulnerable, you give others permission to be themselves.
Acceptance is the Key
Acceptance is the key, and it sounds easy in theory, but perfection can trap us in the state of judging ourselves and we might struggle to get out of that state. The mindset of self-criticism and fear is so strong that it can easily block any attempt to accept yourself as imperfect.
Perceive yourself as a beginner that doesn’t need to know everything. Someone who is doing their best to have great results but also someone comfortable with failure. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Be ready to laugh at your actions not to be ashamed or fearful of what might happen if they say or do something stupid.
Shunryo Suzuki, Zen master said:
“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s, there are few.”
Once you become comfortable to be a beginner you will pick up any hobby that you always wanted. Maybe, you wanted to write a novel, start painting or play the guitar.
Embrace your authenticity and once you do that, you will permit yourself to pursue your passion and get rid of judging yourself and the belief that others are judging you constantly.
There is nothing as attractive as someone who is inspired by their own creativity or someone who is at ease with themselves. We are all authentic and afraid to be authentic at the same time. We believe that we should be what others are or what society expects us to be. Plant seeds of vulnerability, authenticity, creativity, and integrity in your life. Accept yourself for who you are and genuinely fall in love with yourself. We all know that feeling of falling in love when we can’t stop smiling. Feel that way about yourself.
When you are inspired by leading the best life you can lead while being authentic, you will become more grounded no matter what others do and say. In those situations, others will be spiritually drawn to you.
Don’t forget that having this feeling all the time is not possible either. That’s just another part of your imperfection that you need to embrace.