Remember when 
Gildshire Magazines understands the problem, but it’s the answers that are harder to find. What do successful couples do about money? What happens with respect to money that makes marriages founder? Here are some ideas gleaned from smart people.
1. Make Good Choices in the First Minutes: Actually, there are important financial considerations well before the first minutes of marriage. Bluntly, spending a fortune on the wedding is stupid. A recent wedding Gildshire attended included a champagne toast. Of course, it was impressive, but how much did the champagne for the toast, all by itself, cost? Try $5,000. Five large pays for an Alaska cruise to celebrate the first anniversary. It’s a down payment on a second car.
A lake, friends and family, and a preacher to tie the knot. That’s all this couple needed.
This speaks to a larger issue. The average cost for a wedding is $25,680. Just for fun, we researched the average cost for a wedding in New York City. As it turned out, the number was more staggering than fun. Try $74,112. Making good choices for your wedding starts you on a path to a successful financial life together.
2. Be Honest About Which One You Are: Every marriage has a spender and a saver. Every…single…marriage. Know who you are and go into the marriage knowing there is no right or wrong role. The spender isn’t necessarily reckless, and the saver isn’t necessarily stodgy and paranoid. Know also that neither the spender nor the saver can, or should, always win in a dispute. That is the hard part for many couples.
3. The “B” Word: Not that one. “Budget.” Realistic and honest, it needs to include an assessment of the monthly bills, and it needs to include fun money.
It doesn’t need to be elaborate. It just needs to be.
The family budget needs to be readily available as a reference point. This one is non-negotiable. Make one tonight.
4. Limit Conversations: Communication is the most important factor in successful relationships. We get that, but enough is enough and it’s often too much. Having to justify every expenditure is exhausting. Instead, pick an amount that can be spent without having to consult. Then, set an amount that needs a phone call or text. Finally, decide on an amount that needs a face-to-face encounter. One couple uses $50, $51-$99, and $100+, but your number depends on your bottom line as a couple.
5. The Golden Rule Has Nothing to Do With Gold in Your Portfolio: Instead, it has to do with the first rule you were taught about how to treat others. Discussions about money will happen. They won’t always be the happiest talk you have in a week, but fundamental rules apply as time goes by. Make sure the hot button words we named earlier (“cheapskate,” gasbag,” etc) are out of bounds. Remember, as long as the arrangement is honest no one is right or wrong.
6. Don’t Hesitate to Enlist Additional Ears: If money squabbles have turned into full-on conflagrations they may have hijacked your marriage. Now, you’re coming close to calling it, and more drastic measures may need to be employed. Consider enlisting another set of ears, such as a financial planner.
Couples recently separated from the military often have questions about navigating the civilian financial world.
Find one that charges by the hour, thereby avoiding a long-term financial commitment to someone ostensibly helping you avoid long-term financial commitments. Or, if you are a religious couple, enlist the help of a church ministry. A couple’s therapist is another possibility. Finally, there is an emerging discipline known as “financial therapy, specifically helping couples navigate the seas of financial turmoil.
He really is dashing and she’s as captivating as the day you first danced on the beach at Table Bluff. You just have to get over this whole money thing, and you can. Trust us on that one.
