20 Funny Monday Morning One-liners To Cheer You Up
And Make Your Colleagues Laugh
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
A day without sunshine is like…, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99% of Lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
OK,….. so what’s the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Monday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Five More Laughs For A Monday Morning
1. I dialed a number and got the following recording, ‘I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.’
2. My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.
3. Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
4. Roger went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said to Roger, ‘We have an opening for people like you.’
‘Oh, great,’ Roger replied, ‘What is it?’
‘It’s called the door,’ came the answer.
5. Nigel: The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.
Sally: Which is this?