Most of us are often stuck in superficial relationships throughout our lives. When you call a friend what do you talk about? Do you talk about the latest celebrity rumors? Do you talk about a friend who can’t get their life together? Or you talk about work, kids and the weather? What do your conversations revolve around?
Whether we are aware of it or not, many of our friendships are superficial. A two-people relationship across the board is pretty much unstable whether we talk about friendships or love relationships. When we have a mutual problem or one person that we don’t like then that becomes the main focus of the relationship. It’s crucial to understand how our relationship was built with another person. Was it build around the same “enemy” or around the same issue?
What Do We Want from Friendships?
Most of us don’t want our friendships to be stuck on a superficial level. Maybe we don’t realize it but we all crave relationships where we will talk about our beliefs and our deep experiences and thoughts. Relationships where we can grow as humans. We all want relationships where we can be honest with who we are, and what we want without anxieties that the other person will judge us or want for us to change in any way. Still, having this kind of relationship even with family members seems daunting. Still, let’s keep in mind that developing a deep relationship with others can lead us to become more mature humans.
We need to be able to talk to someone about our inner thoughts without focusing on concerns about a third person or gossip. Let’s keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with talking about sports, celebrities, and co-workers. However, these conversations should not be used to manage the awkwardness of a relationship, and should not be the only conversation we are having with a friend.
Think about how many of your relationships are superficial? How many friendships from work are built around hating a boss or a colleague? Some friendships are strictly related to a few topics or even only one, like a marriage where the only focus is children.
How to Avoid Superficial Friendships?
To develop an intimate relationship, you have to be able to define yourself to others and to be able to do this, you have to be able to define yourself to you and to be comfortable with who you are. When you are able to share your true self in a relationship, it’s easier to have a meaningful conversation without becoming defensive or feeling threatened.
Sometimes it’s hard to have tough, intimate, and challenging conversations even with your family members. Often, those conversations are based on poking your siblings, having fun as a family, or worrying about a family member. All of this is very much needed, and it should be a part of our life. We even have a superficial relationship with grandparents where we are afraid of being ourselves since we don’t want to shock our grandparents that we don’t have that squeaky-clean image they might think we have.
Think about someone in your life with whom you have a deep and intimate relationship. This is the type of relationship that you should have with your significant other. Being able to be yourself in a relationship is crucial for anyone who wants to grow as a person and have a fulfilling relationship. Still, be mindful that sharing yourself can cause anxiety. However, this anxiety is related to becoming more mature and more of yourself while you are building relationships where you can overcome differences and disagreements between the two of you.